When I Lived In....

I am trying very hard to live in the moment.

I read this Buddist tale once.  It went something like this.  The Buddha asked his students, "how long is a man's life?"  The first student answered, "From the day he is born until the day he dies?"  But the Buddha shook his head.  The second student answered "One month?"  But the Buddha shook his head.  The next student answered, "One day?"  But still the Buddha shook his head.  Finally, the most favorite student answered, "a man's life is as long as one breath."  And the Buddha smiled.

One breath.

In.

Out.

This moment.

This is my life.  That last breath I took?  That's the past.  It's over.  It can't be reached again.  It is not my life. My next breath?  That hasn't arrived.  In fact, there is no guarantee it will be taken at all.  It is not my life.  But this breath, the one filling my lungs right now, this is my life.  One deep lifetime.  It is all I have.  It is all I will every have.

And yet.....

And yet, I waste my life, my breath fretting about what I have done.  I waste my life, my breath, worrying about what will come.  I waste my life, my breath, by not living here.  Right now.

In.

Out.

Perhaps that is why, when we become upset, we are reminded to count to 10.  To catch our breath.  All that deep centering breathing in yoga class?  They may be onto something.  The intense focus you feel swimming through the water, measuring your breath, aware of each gulp of air or when you are running hard, each breath a steady pounding measured by some beat deep in bones, here you feel alive.  In labor, they taught me to breath.  How my breath could reassure my body, over ride the pain, focus myself on the immediate need of a new life.  How can I forget this?

And yet, I do.  How many lifetimes have I missed so far?  Oh look, there goes another breath spent worrying about the past. How many lifetimes have I squandered, twisting my way through worries that loom on the horizon?  How many more lifetimes can I waste until I realize that the best place I can be, the only place I should be, the one place I can be happy, is right here, deep in this breath?

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

When I live in my breath, I am truly alive.