Your daddy's pride

He was small for his age with a thin build and jet black hair, slicked back from his face in current fashion. He was so small, in fact, that he was known as Wee in his little town on the shores of Lake Superior in Wisconsin. He had lived in Washburn his whole life and was admired for his gentle spirit, quiet hard-working ways, and integrity. From the time he entered school, everyone knew Wee was straightforward and would have their backs, as long as their backs were on the right side of the law.

At home, things were rough for Wee. His parents had a tumultuous relationship. Wee’s dad was aloof and demoralizing to his wife. He forbid her to go to Catholic Church, any church really, because he thought God and religion were a bunch of crap only stupid and weak people believed in. And to him, Catholics were the stupidest. Throughout their marriage, he stayed out drinking and on more than one occasion, drove honking past the family home with another woman in the car. One time Wee’s mother ran down the street after her husband, yelling at him to get back home.

As for Wee, his father had no use for him. Where others saw Wee’s kindess, his dad only saw uselessness. He seemed angry that Wee existed, although Wee’s two sisters got a somewhat better bargain. He whipped Wee, made him sleep out on the converted, unheated porch all year long, and belittled him. Wee developed a stutter and an almost debilitating anxiety around his father. Throughout his childhood, Wee suffered from a constant need to please his father to no avail. His friends and extended family were his salvation. A kind hearted grandpa and grandma taught him another version of family love and acceptance. It was a miracle Wee grew up to be a gentle father, grandfather and loving spouse for 51 years.

Wee endured criticism and coldness from his father all through adulthood. He and his wife lived across the street from his parents. He continued to help his parents and tried to earn his father’s respect. Did he remain a loyal son out of genuine love for his parents or because of some illusion that his father would wake up one day, suddenly full of pride for his only son? No one knew the answer to this great mystery because Wee never spoke of his reasoning. He just tried and endured, got hurt and disappointed, and tried again.

For his final act of “screw you, son”, Wee’s father arranged to kill himself in a location and at a time when he knew Wee would be the one to find him. He didn’t want to burden his wife with this horrifying discovery, but felt that Wee was up to the task. For the rest of his life, Wee’s last memory of his father would be of cradling his dad in his arms, brain matter and blood soaking into his shirt.

He never heard the words “I love you, I’m proud of you, I think you are a wonderful man” from his father.

We made sure he heard it from us.