Write About What Matters

How do you teach your daughter to love herself?  Out of every lesson I impart to her, this is the one that matters most.  Not only to be yourself but to like who that is.  To speak your mind, dress to your own inner delight, to let the harsh words and judgments of others slide of your back.  So easy to say but so hard to do.

I watch her, out of the corner of my eye.  It's a strange little triangle we make.  I, slyly watching her.  She, slyly watching The Others.  Those girls who know the secret.  Who are themselves and have that mesmerizing glow of self-worth.  She wants the same shoes as The Others.  She wants the same tags on her cloths.  As if she believes that if she can copy the outside, the inside will change too.  Her favorite color has changed from blue (too boy) to pink.  Anything that sets her apart is hidden; toys tucked away when They come to play.  Was I like this? Did I try and hide myself behind a bland mask too?  I don't think so.  I remember being the fearless leader.  The one with the crazy idea or the newest trend.  I never considered following any one other than myself and it brought me friends and acceptance and respect.  But how did I know to do this?  Why doesn't she?  Nobody respects the kid who tags along copying.  I know what happens to that girl and it isn't pretty.  Always on the outer ring, trying so hard to get "in", teased and snickered at.   If They see your desire, They have a hold over you.

I have no memory of this.  I just never cared.  I remember being the one choosing.  And I always picked the individual, not the loner cloner.  My friends where the wild girls.  We didn't care about make-up and boys.  We were the drama queens, the class leaders, the ones who sat in the front row and glowed.  We were comfortable in our own skin and that gave us an invincibility.  No one bothered to harass us because the words just flowed off our backs.

I wish I knew how I got there.  I wish I knew that secret so I could whisper it in her ear and have her understand the power that loving yourself gives you.  Super strength, beauty, charisma, courage, it all comes from the same deep well of self-love.  I truly believe we all have that well buried deep inside us.  For some, the well is deep and full, the water lapping right at the top ready to be drunk.  But for my daughter, I fear her well is buried deep and I cannot show her the way.  All I can do is tell her that it is there and watch, silently and she tries to uncover it for herself.